For the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Looking deeply for answers to hard questions. After having the CT scan a month ago I realized it was time for me to choose a path. And I knew once that path was chosen, there would be no turning back. I was at a crossroads and no matter which path I decided to take the road ahead was not going to be easy.
Today is an anniversary, of sorts, for me. It was exactly two years ago today that I found out I had breast cancer. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday but most of the time I can hardly remember what it was like to not be running off to the next doctor appointment, the next blood draw, the next treatment and I’m tired; tired of all of it. I’ve made mention of how I don’t feel my quality of life has been very good during this course of treatment since the cancer returned. Having chemo has knocked me down and I don’t feel well enough to do much of anything. I tried to take everyone’s thoughts and feelings into consideration when I made the choice to have chemo again. But I’ve come to realize that I need this to be about me and what I want to do, not what everyone else wants me to do or expects me to do. So after a lot of thinking, soul searching and sleepless nights I have decided to stop chemotherapy. My hope is that in a couple of weeks I will feel well enough to get my final trip in. Then after that, as time allows, maybe take a few day trips locally to do some fun stuff along with finishing up a few projects that want to do. I also want to be able to go to some of my favorite restaurants to indulge myself and actually be able to enjoy it as I’m hoping that by stopping the chemo food will taste better to me once again even if it’s only for a limited time.
Speaking of limited time….
There have been some issues cropping up on Chris’s website with the server host. The host upgraded some software that is slowly “breaking” the website including my breast cancer blog. Chris and I don’t want to lose all of the posts that I have made over the last couple of years so the loving and devoted husband that he is, Chris has gotten me my own domain name and will be putting all of my past posts up on my very own webpage! Hopefully within a week or two he will get things moved over to www.wendyjosavage.com. The idea was that all of my posts will be preserved and I will be able to add to it myself for as long as I am able. Once I can no longer do the updates myself, Chris will do the updates for me, after that it will serve as a memorial page. So please keep checking the link.
Thanks for taking the time to stop by! I wish you peace, love and understanding!